Why Me?? Dealing with Disappointment

5 Ways You May Be Setting Yourself Up For Disappointment

From the time you were young you may have had to deal with disappointment.  Maybe you didn’t make the 4^th grade soccer team.  Maybe your Senior High Prom date ignored you the whole night after you spent hundreds of dollars and countless hours in preparation?  Or maybe you didn’t get that last big promotion that you just knew you “had in the bag”.  Whatever the situation, we have all at some time in our lives, had to deal with disappointment.  In fact, some people are like Charlie Brown, the protagonist, from the popular comic, Peanuts.  Poor Charlie Brown, he lives a life of self fulfilling disappointment.  If you seem to find yourself fighting the same battles time and time again or disappointment seems to follow you around like a bad penny, this article may be for you.

If you can identify what has caused disappointment in your life you can learn how to deal with it in the future.  Let’s look at the five ways you may be sabotaging your own good fortune.

1.      Unrealistic Expectations
In my position as a training and development professional I have worked with many individuals who are on a quest to climb the hailed corporate ladder.  They take classes, read books, attend seminars, but just can’t seem to make that leap to the next level, management.  Management, where “those people” live.  By “those people” I mean the ones that make gobs of cash for doing nothing but taking credit for what the rest of us do.  The problem is that is rarely the case.  Taking a position as a manager requires countless hours of work, professional training, and dealing with diverse and sometimes conflictual teams.  Being well informed about an expectation and what it may cost to get there sometimes requires us to be brutally honest about ourselves and the expectations and timelines we have set to accomplish a goal.  When we stop making unrealistic expectations, we start dealing less and less with the disappointing results they glean.

2.      “Me” Centered Perspective
When we are motivated by our own comfort or by not realizing the world is made up of other people that may be more qualified or just better we find ourselves fighting the disappointment continuum.  Self centeredness is a terrible existence because once you find out that the world truly does not revolve around you, you’re shattered.  When we begin to operate in a world of interdependence our paradigm changes and the waves of disappointment begin to subside in our ocean of “me”.

3.      The Karma Cloud
Oh, Karma, why do you chase me?  I like to also call this “magical thinking”.  I am surprised sometimes when I hear people blame bad karma for their disappointments.  “I should have opened the door for that lady last week and I would have got that promotion.”  Okay, maybe that is a stretch, but not far.  If you constantly live in a sea of regret or blame your bad luck on, well, luck; you will be just as disappointed as if you put your career in the hands of a rabbit’s foot or a four leaf clover.  Deal with the fact that you just weren’t prepared or someone else was more prepared.  The bottom line is; your future depends on your hard work and initiative, not your luck.

4.      Life Ain’t Fair
Let’s face it, this is not news.  We have all grown up with the age old concept that life is just not fair.  People are always going to be faster, prettier, smarter, older, younger, taller, shorter, richer, and poorer.  You get the picture.  Now face it, you don’t grow out of it.  You were born into an unfair world and the sooner you realize it and get over it, the sooner you can make your way to bigger and better horizons.

5.      It’s History!
Last, but not least, stop living in the past.  Unless you are learning from it for the future.  Thomas Edison made 1,000 failed attempts at the light bulb and now he lights the world!  In his first screen test Fred Astaire was told he couldn’t act, couldn’t sing, and could dance a little.  Steven Spielberg was rejected by the University of Southern California School of Theater, Film, and Television three times!  Learn from your mistakes!  Don’t live by them or let them define who you are capable of being.  If you do this, you will actually learn that disappointment is a lesson not a place.

Its Been Too Long!

Well, I know it has been way too long since I posted on this blog. And, quite frankly, I was shocked I still had it. I remember 3 years ago trying to get in on the "information highway" of blogging and just didnt have the desire to stick to it, apparently. Or maybe I ran out of content? I doubt that since my mind really does "go a milion miles an hour" jumping from topic to topic like a over active kid jacked up on Mountain Dew and M&M's...

Here I am, though. Back. And soon to come...much more random acts of jibberish along with it.

Balloon Boy vs Gosselin Kids

I am seriously disturbed as to the media hype this "Balloon Boy" phenom has created. What is the difference between the Balloon Boy, the Gosselins and the lady that tried to pimp her daughter on Craigslist? Why is the media and the public so enraged about the parents of BB staging the apparent "floating off" of their son in a home-made zeppelin? If you ask me, the Gosselins exploit their children every single day and they are allowed to do it and get paid for it. Just because they represented by a major television network doeesn't make it any less abominable. In fact, the BB was never placed in a situation where he was going to come to any harm. Yes, his parents told him to hide and, yes, they told him to lie. That is a moral issue, folk.
This kid is being taught that he can be a fake and be on TV. Oh..... hmmmmm...... isnt that what the telly is all about in the first place? A big fake? The kid knew exactly what was going on and the lie his folks were going to tell, its alot better than causing your kids a lifetime of heartache and labelling by slapping them in front of millions of viewers every week while their parents play naughty naughty. Shame on you, people!

Social Security ...hmmmmm

Just to get your mind to pondering... check out these exerpts regarding Social Security


Fox News July 30
The signed bill that delineates these new regulations is a response to the accounting scandals at WorldCom, Enron, Tyco and other large companies which left thousands of employees without retirement savings and investors with valueless stock shares.
"This new law sends very clear messages that all concerned must heed. This law says to every dishonest corporate leader: 'You'll be exposed and punished. The era of low standards and false profits is over. No board room in America is above or beyond the law,'" Bush said.


Fox News July 30
Earlier in the day, Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina told the Democratic Leadership Council that fiscal responsibility has vanished from the government since Republicans claimed the White House from the Clinton administration.
"Washington can't ask businesses to do more unless we live up to our responsibilities as well," the senator said. "We can't just complain about Enron's books. We have a duty to put our own books in order."
The federal government has returned to deficit spending and the parties are bickering out whether that was caused by Bush's tax cut or by a combination of the war on terror and an economic downturn.
"There is no economic leadership coming from the White House," Daschle said. "If they won't lead, Democrats will." "In the span of a year, this administration has turned fiscal responsibility on its ear," said Kerry, "turning a budget surplus into a budget with endless deficits spurred on by an irresponsible and unfairly structured tax cut."
Republican national chairman Marc Racicot said the Democrats' criticism rang hollow coming from senators who had failed to pass a budget during a time of war and economic uncertainty. He described that failure as "an abdication of responsibility and failure of leadership."
DLC members call themselves New Democrats, who believe in blending a pro-business approach with traditional Democratic values. They say it's fair to criticize the Bush administration for being too closely allied with big business.

National Center For Policy Analysis
But demographic factors are accelerating Social Security's problems: Life expectancy is increasing faster than expected -- in 1940, a 65-year-old man could expect to live another 12 years, today it's 15 years, and by 2040 it will be 17 years. The fertility rate is falling faster than expected -- from 3.6 children for a typical woman of child-bearing age in 1960 to just two today and a projected 1.9 by 2020 -- and is already less than the rate of 2.1 needed just to replace the existing population. The elderly portion of the population is expected to rise from 12 percent today to 20 percent by 2050 increasing the number of retirees from 34 million to 80 million. The smaller working-age population and larger elderly population means that where there were more than five workers for each retiree in 1960 and 3.3 workers per retiree today, by 2030 there will be just two workers to pay the taxes for the benefits of each retiree.

Heritage Foundation Executive Memorandum- by David C. John
Americans' Lack of Knowledge About Social Security.
Although Social Security is the government's most popular program, many Americans now little about how it operates and how its benefits compare with the returns from other retirement investments. For example: Millions remain convinced that Social Security maintains a savings account in each of their names with money in it, even though there is no direct connection between the amount of taxes paid and the benefits an individual eventually receives in retirement. Few realize the low rate of return on Social Security retirement taxes. For example, a household of two working, 30-year-old earners with children averages a mere 1.2 percent. Most do not know that the trust funds consist only of IOUs and that, even if these are fully repaid with future taxes, Social Security will be insolvent by 2015 unless it is reformed.
Giving Americans the Facts.
For most Americans, the YSSS, which goes to 123 million workers annually, will be their sole source of official information on the benefits they should receive in retirement. Yet these statements downplay or omit important information about those benefits. They include an accounting of Social Security taxes the individual worker has paid to date, the worker's eligibility for benefits, and an estimate of the various types of benefits the worker and/or family could receive under different circumstances; but while workers are told that they will receive a specific dollar amount from Social Security, they are not told that the money may not be there for them. Nor are they given any idea of the return on their taxes. Provisions in H.R. 634 and S. 354 are designed to ensure that workers receive a more complete picture of Social Security's financial future in their benefit statements. The proposed changes in the YSSS would inform workers about:
How Social Security's projected financial difficulties could affect payment of their benefits. A general (and easily overlooked) paragraph on these problems is hidden at the end of a letter from the Social Security Commissioner, and the reference to Social Security's financial problems does not clearly state that these problems will apply to the individual worker and his or her personal benefits. Under the Straight Talk bill, the YSSS would inform workers that although benefit estimates are based on current law, Social Security's financial problems could cause it to pay less than that amount. A similar disclosure is required of underfunded private pension plans by the U.S. Department of Labor; Social Security would simply match this standard. How Social Security's trust funds differ from private-sector trust funds. In its fiscal year 2000 budget document, the OMB explained that the Social Security "trust funds" do not contain stocks, bonds, or other assets that could be sold directly for cash. Unlike private-sector trust funds, the Social Security trust funds contain only IOUs that will have to be paid back with future taxes. As the OMB noted:
These balances are available to finance future benefit payments...only in a bookkeeping sense. They do not consist of real economic assets that can be drawn down in the future to fund benefits. Instead, they are claims on the Treasury that, when redeemed, will have to be financed by raising taxes, borrowing from the public, or reducing benefits, or other expenditures. The Straight Talk bill would require the SSA to include similar text in future statements. The estimated rate of return on Social Security retirement taxes paid. The Straight Talk bill would require that the YSSS include a chart that plots implicit rates of return by birth year. Similar to a chart found in the GAO's August 1999 report on Social Security's rate of return, this chart would illustrate that the rate of return from Social Security has decreased both steadily and dramatically. Workers would see that unless the current system is reformed, they can expect a lower rate of return on their taxes paid than their parents and grandparents received. More important, they would see that their children and grandchildren will receive even less from Social Security in the future.
Conclusion.
Working Americans should be told the truth about Social Security's financial future and
its impact on the retirement benefits they expect to receive. As taxpayers, they should have a right to this information, which can be provided by the Social Security Administration at little or no cost. The additional information provided pursuant to H.R. 634, S. 354, and similar bills would go a long way toward enhancing the quality of the Social Security debate and enabling Americans to plan more realistically for their retirement years.