5 Ways You May Be Setting Yourself Up For Disappointment
From the time you were young you may have had to deal with
disappointment. Maybe you didn’t make
the 4th grade soccer team.
Maybe your Senior High Prom date ignored you the whole night after you
spent hundreds of dollars and countless hours in preparation? Or maybe you didn’t get that last big
promotion that you just knew you “had in the bag”. Whatever the situation, we have all at some
time in our lives, had to deal with disappointment. In fact, some people are like Charlie Brown,
the protagonist, from the popular comic, Peanuts. Poor Charlie Brown, he lives a life of self
fulfilling disappointment. If you seem
to find yourself fighting the same battles time and time again or disappointment
seems to follow you around like a bad penny, this article may be for you.
If you can identify what has caused disappointment in your
life you can learn how to deal with it in the future. Let’s look at the five ways you may be
sabotaging your own good fortune.
1.
Unrealistic
Expectations
In my position as a training and development professional I have worked with many individuals who are on a quest to climb the hailed corporate ladder. They take classes, read books, attend seminars, but just can’t seem to make that leap to the next level, management. Management, where “those people” live. By “those people” I mean the ones that make gobs of cash for doing nothing but taking credit for what the rest of us do. The problem is that is rarely the case. Taking a position as a manager requires countless hours of work, professional training, and dealing with diverse and sometimes conflictual teams. Being well informed about an expectation and what it may cost to get there sometimes requires us to be brutally honest about ourselves and the expectations and timelines we have set to accomplish a goal. When we stop making unrealistic expectations, we start dealing less and less with the disappointing results they glean.
In my position as a training and development professional I have worked with many individuals who are on a quest to climb the hailed corporate ladder. They take classes, read books, attend seminars, but just can’t seem to make that leap to the next level, management. Management, where “those people” live. By “those people” I mean the ones that make gobs of cash for doing nothing but taking credit for what the rest of us do. The problem is that is rarely the case. Taking a position as a manager requires countless hours of work, professional training, and dealing with diverse and sometimes conflictual teams. Being well informed about an expectation and what it may cost to get there sometimes requires us to be brutally honest about ourselves and the expectations and timelines we have set to accomplish a goal. When we stop making unrealistic expectations, we start dealing less and less with the disappointing results they glean.
2.
“Me”
Centered Perspective
When we are motivated by our own comfort or by not realizing the world is made up of other people that may be more qualified or just better we find ourselves fighting the disappointment continuum. Self centeredness is a terrible existence because once you find out that the world truly does not revolve around you, you’re shattered. When we begin to operate in a world of interdependence our paradigm changes and the waves of disappointment begin to subside in our ocean of “me”.
When we are motivated by our own comfort or by not realizing the world is made up of other people that may be more qualified or just better we find ourselves fighting the disappointment continuum. Self centeredness is a terrible existence because once you find out that the world truly does not revolve around you, you’re shattered. When we begin to operate in a world of interdependence our paradigm changes and the waves of disappointment begin to subside in our ocean of “me”.
3.
The Karma
Cloud
Oh, Karma, why do you chase me? I like to also call this “magical thinking”. I am surprised sometimes when I hear people blame bad karma for their disappointments. “I should have opened the door for that lady last week and I would have got that promotion.” Okay, maybe that is a stretch, but not far. If you constantly live in a sea of regret or blame your bad luck on, well, luck; you will be just as disappointed as if you put your career in the hands of a rabbit’s foot or a four leaf clover. Deal with the fact that you just weren’t prepared or someone else was more prepared. The bottom line is; your future depends on your hard work and initiative, not your luck.
Oh, Karma, why do you chase me? I like to also call this “magical thinking”. I am surprised sometimes when I hear people blame bad karma for their disappointments. “I should have opened the door for that lady last week and I would have got that promotion.” Okay, maybe that is a stretch, but not far. If you constantly live in a sea of regret or blame your bad luck on, well, luck; you will be just as disappointed as if you put your career in the hands of a rabbit’s foot or a four leaf clover. Deal with the fact that you just weren’t prepared or someone else was more prepared. The bottom line is; your future depends on your hard work and initiative, not your luck.
4.
Life
Ain’t Fair
Let’s face it, this is not news. We have all grown up with the age old concept that life is just not fair. People are always going to be faster, prettier, smarter, older, younger, taller, shorter, richer, and poorer. You get the picture. Now face it, you don’t grow out of it. You were born into an unfair world and the sooner you realize it and get over it, the sooner you can make your way to bigger and better horizons.
Let’s face it, this is not news. We have all grown up with the age old concept that life is just not fair. People are always going to be faster, prettier, smarter, older, younger, taller, shorter, richer, and poorer. You get the picture. Now face it, you don’t grow out of it. You were born into an unfair world and the sooner you realize it and get over it, the sooner you can make your way to bigger and better horizons.
5.
It’s
History!
Last, but not least, stop living in the past. Unless you are learning from it for the future. Thomas Edison made 1,000 failed attempts at the light bulb and now he lights the world! In his first screen test Fred Astaire was told he couldn’t act, couldn’t sing, and could dance a little. Steven Spielberg was rejected by the University of Southern California School of Theater, Film, and Television three times! Learn from your mistakes! Don’t live by them or let them define who you are capable of being. If you do this, you will actually learn that disappointment is a lesson not a place.
Last, but not least, stop living in the past. Unless you are learning from it for the future. Thomas Edison made 1,000 failed attempts at the light bulb and now he lights the world! In his first screen test Fred Astaire was told he couldn’t act, couldn’t sing, and could dance a little. Steven Spielberg was rejected by the University of Southern California School of Theater, Film, and Television three times! Learn from your mistakes! Don’t live by them or let them define who you are capable of being. If you do this, you will actually learn that disappointment is a lesson not a place.
